THE WACKY AND WONDERFUL WORLD OF GUN CONTROL

THE WACKY AND WONDERFUL WORLD OF GUN CONTROL

April 25, 2007 - The following is a mini-drama illustrating how gun laws work as understood by advocates of gun control.

SCENE: A basement in the seedier part of town where Spike and his associate Louie are planning a bank robbery.

SPIKE: So here’s what we’re gonna do. As soon as we get into the bank, you pull your gun and take out the guard before he has a chance to make a move. Lefty’ll set up near the door and take care of anybody who comes inta the bank while were in the middle of the job --

LOUIE: (interrupting) Hey, Where is Lefty?

SPIKE: He’s out casin’ the bank and a coupla other places we’re thinking of knockin’ over. Okay, so you’re taking care of the guard, Lefty’s at the door, and I’ll be at the teller’s window. As soon as she sees the gun, she’ll know what to do, start shoveling the dough into the bag I’ll give her. Then ----

LEFTY: (Entering through stage left doorway) He, boss, I got bad news!!

SPIKE: What’s up, Lefty? Didja check out the bank?

LEFTY: I sure did, and here’s the deal. They got a sign up. It says, “No guns allowed on premises.”

LOUIE: Geez, boss, what’re we gonna do?

SPIKE: What about the other places, Lefty?

LEFTY: Same thing at the udder two banks and the stores except for a few Mom and Pop places where there ain’t no serious cash.

SPIKE: (After a pause) Boys, there’s only one thing we can do. Get jobs.

(CURTAIN)

Continuing our excursion in the world of gun control, here’s how an advocate of gun laws may react to reports of the shooting at Virginia Tech:

“You may have heard reports in recent days of a shooting on the campus of Virginia Tech where a student allegedly went bonkers and shot 32 people to death. Do not believe these reports, they are obviously untrue.

“These supposed shootings, which have been trumpeted by the right-wing biased media, could not have occurred for a very simple reason – guns are not permitted on the V. Tech campus.
‘These rumors of a massacre are just the latest attempt by opponents of sensible gun control to convince us that tough gun laws do not really protect us against violent persons, that they only protect killers by preventing their victims from defending themselves.

“Fortunately, those of who support gun control represent the more rational, better educated elements of our society and are not deceived by these made-up stories that suggest tough gun rules put innocent people at the mercy of criminals and lunatics.”

And that’s the way it is in the wacky and wonderful world of gun control. We now return you to reality.

Bob Ward